


getting to know you (is worth trying)

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bokuto Talks a Lot, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Mutual Pining, Party, Strangers to Lovers, akaashi keiji i am in love with you, also me projecting onto kenma, kind of, like a lot, my first fic i'm so sorry, spreading my akaken best friends agenda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:42:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29885448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: If it works, then it works, and if it doesn’t, then it doesn’t, and there’s nothing wrong with that.Or Kenma learns that some risks are worth taking.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 11
Kudos: 60





	getting to know you (is worth trying)

If Kozume Kenma was to make a list of the most annoying things in the world, college parties would probably take one of the top places. No matter how hard he has tried to (actually, no matter how hard he has been _forced_ to try to would probably be a better way to put it), he doesn’t get the appeal. Too many people, too loud music, too small places, too many people. No, it’s definitely not a situation he would willingly put himself in, and the more he thinks about it, the surer he is that parties in general would probably even take the top spot in that mental list. Though right now his flatmate, Bokuto Koutarou, is a pretty strong competitor.

“Kenma!!!! You know tonight Kuroo’s throwing a party!!!! At his house!!!!! Do you wanna go this time!!!!” Koutarou tries, for the twentieth time today, and Kenma resists the urge to throw his console at him. He likes him, even would go as far as to consider him his friend, and actually understands why Shouyou would think they’d work living together, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to scream into the void in frustration at him for hours sometimes.

“No.”

“Are you sure!!!!! You’ve never met my friends!!!!”

“Yes. I don’t want to go.”

“Why!!!!”

Kenma just ignores him and keeps playing, hoping he’ll finally get the hint and leave him alone, and it seems to work; but after a silent while Koutarou just sits on the couch right next to him and starts fiddling nervously with his fingers. _Oh, no,_ Kenma thinks. _Something is wrong. He’ll have a full-on mental breakdown if I just ignore him._ He puts his game down and looks at him.

“Do you want to talk about it,” he asks quietly, and Koutarou also looks at him and nods. _Let’s pray this doesn’t involve that stupid party._

“It’s just,” Koutarou starts, but pauses immediately for a few seconds. “Akaashi’s back. He’s going. And I haven’t seen him in I don’t know how long. And I’m really nervous! I don’t even know what he’s up to since we graduated high school and he left for university across the country. He’s probably studying an incredible career and getting amazing grades and having his whole life planned out and I’m here still obsessed with volleyball! Still with that stupid dream about becoming a professional player. And that stupid crush on him even if we have barely talked for the past year. And I can’t skip the party, because I never skip any of Kuroo’s parties, and that would be like running away, and Kenma! I don’t know what to do!”

“I understand,” Kenma replies after a beat, “but I really doubt he’ll be disappointed by how you’re handling your life. There’s nothing wrong with having a dream and pursuing it. And you’re good enough at volleyball. You don’t need to be this worried.”

“Thanks, but. Kenma,” Koutarou starts and pauses again, keeping quiet for a whole minute before speaking again. Kenma sighs internally. _He’s about to ask me to go with him._

“I really, really, really need you to come and speak to Akaashi first.” Kenma frowns. _Speak to Akaashi first? How does that even help?_

He voices that exact thought and Koutarou slumps dramatically on the couch. “For what I know, he could’ve hated me for all our high school years. He probably thinks I’m loud and annoying and he’s not even wrong! I don’t think I’ll be able to talk to him if I don’t know for sure that’s not the case. And if it is, I don’t wanna embarrass myself even more. I just need you to talk to him for a bit, and ask him about me, and tell me. And then you can leave. Please? Please please please please please?” He looks at Kenma with pleading eyes, and he looks like he’ll start crying if Kenma says no, and Kenma hates seeing people cry because he never knows how to react, and he doesn’t want to get Koutarou in a sad mood because it can last _days,_ and he really hates this situation right now.

“But,” he stops, trying to find a delicate way to express himself. “Why do you ask me? I don’t do well with parties or talking to strangers. He probably won’t even want to talk to me.”

“He will!” Koutarou stands up abruptly again, and starts frantically making hand gestures as he speaks. _How little it takes for all his energy to come back,_ Kenma thinks. “I’m a hundred percent sure he will! He’s also a pretty introverted person, and probably won’t talk to many people at the party! I was really surprised he even agreed to go! You guys will get along! And I don’t have anyone else to ask. It’s not like I’ve told anyone else about my feelings for him, you know! And the rest of my friends are all from high school and they know him so it wouldn’t work! Kenma! I need you! I’ll do anything if you say yes! I’ll buy you the latest Animal Crossing game I know you’ve been wanting! I promise!”

Now it’s Kenma’s turn to slump against the couch. He says nothing for a while and expects his friend to keep on insisting, but surprisingly it doesn’t happen. He analyzes the situation in his head. He still doesn’t want to go, and doesn’t understand why Koutarou would want him to do this, but it _is_ true he wants the new Animal Crossing game, and it’s not exactly cheap. _It shouldn’t take too long to talk to Akaashi anyways. I’ll ask him and come back home. And then Koutarou will buy me the game, and I’ll play for three days straight and not think about anything. Easy._

“Fine,” he says. “Fine. I’ll go.”

Koutarou beams, starts screaming and launches himself at Kenma, who just closes his eyes and resigns himself to the explosive hug he knows is coming. He gave up long ago in trying to dodge physical affection when it comes to him.

 _It won’t be that bad,_ he repeats to himself. _It’ll be easy. And quick. And you’re getting a reward._ Still, that thought doesn’t ease the tension in his stomach.

When the dreaded time comes, Koutarou is calmer than ever, but Kenma is one beat away from collapsing from nervousness. Of course, his friend has spent the last hours excitedly rambling about how happy he is that Kenma will finally meet his friends and how much fun they will have and how you shouldn’t be worried, Kenma, because it’s a small party anyway and we’re all very nice and I’ve already told everyone about you so they know these things are hard for you!! (Kenma doesn’t know if that makes things better or worse; they’re probably expecting him to be some kind of hermit and well, they’re not wrong, but if all of them are like Koutarou… God knows what such a group of extroverted college guys will think of someone like him).

There’s no going back now, though, so Kenma takes a deep breath and tries to keep the Animal Crossing game on his mind as they cross the porch and Koutarou knocks loudly on the door. _It’s just Koutarou’s friends. Akaashi is also a quiet person. You’ll work on your village for days and days. It’s just Koutarou’s friends. He has already told them you’re an introvert._

“You must be Kozume, then?”

Kenma lifts his eyes up from the ground and curses internally as he looks at the guy speaking at him. Really tall, with light brown eyes and dark hair styled in a messy way that shouldn’t look as good as it does, he’s probably the most attractive person he’s ever seen. _What does that even mean?,_ he reprimends himself. _I surely have seen anyone who looks this good, or even better, at any point of my life. I’m nineteen years old._ But he can’t recall any of those faces right now. Hell, he can’t even recall Koutarou’s face right now, and he’s literally standing right next to him.

“I’m Kuroo Tetsurou. Nice to meet you!”, the beautiful man must read his expression as panic, because he introduces himself before Kenma can gain the composure to reply properly. _So this is the host. I really hope I’m not blushing right now._ In normal circumstances, Kenma would have told him to use his given name instead of Kozume, and asked if he was okay with being called by his too, but now he just nods. _I think if he calls me by my given name right now I’ll just melt into the ground._ “So, are you guys coming in?”

Koutarou grins again (Jesus Christ, Kenma had forgotten about him already) and turns to look at him. “Hell yeah!! You ready, Kenma?”

Kenma can only nod again as they enter the house, and he can’t stop himself from noticing the way Kuroo’s tight t-shirt adjusts to his shoulders and arms. _No doubt he’s one of Koutarou’s volleyball friends._ His friend catches him looking and smiles mischievously.

“Seems like this was a better idea than expected, huh?”

This is going to be a really, really long night.

Kenma’s concerns, as expected, prove themselves to be right. After an hour, he hasn’t even found Akaashi (and Koutarou swore this was a small party?) and his flatmate and Kuroo are long lost. He sighs for the tenth time in the last minute; he can’t say he’s surprised by how much he hates this situation, but he made a promise, and he really wants to play Animal Crossing. He really, really wants to play Animal Crossing. Which is the sole reason why he gets up again from the couch he had very successfully settled himself in and starts his search for Akaashi again.

Except this time, when he spots Kuroo in a corner of the living room next to another tall man with dark hair and green eyes, dressed formal enough that he doesn’t seem to fit in at all, Kenma knows he’s found who he has been looking for.

As he slowly and awkwardly approaches them, Kuroo sees him and smirks. (Kenma curses internally again. _Fuck.)_

“Kozume! Bo was looking for you a while ago. Want me to go find him?”

It takes Kenma a couple of seconds to realize he’s talking about Koutarou. _I really should tell him not to call me Kozume,_ he tells himself; but once again, he can’t bring himself to do it. He doesn’t miss the way the formal dressed guy tenses up at the mention of Koutarou’s name, though, and he takes it as confirmation that he is indeed Akaashi.

“In fact, I wanted to talk to him,” he ends up saying, looking at him, and Kuroo’s eyes widen as he looks at the two of them.

“You guys know each other?”

Akaashi remains silent, so Kenma takes it as his cue to continue.

“Not really,” he reluctantly turns to Kuroo again. It’s harder to concentrate when looking at him. Much, much harder. “But there’s something we need to discuss.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll take that as my sign to go. And I thought that you wanted to talk to me,” he raises a brow, and Kenma really thinks he shouldn’t do that because it’s impossible for him to keep calm. He again silently hopes he’s not blushing.

“You’ve got a nice voice, by the way,” comes suddenly in his ear as Kuroo passes Kenma’s side, and Jesus Christ, he is _definitely_ blushing now, and he’s terrified Kuroo will turn back and see it, but he doesn’t, and Kenma keeps panicking while staring into distance for a while until there’s a hand on his shoulder and a soft “Do we, Kozume-san?” coming from behind him.

Right. The reason why he’s here. Akaashi.

“Yeah. Yes. Yes. Sorry,” he tries to restore his dignity, even though he knows it’s impossible to recover by now. _Since when do I lose my cool like this? “_ Please, call me Kenma. Just Kenma. I’d rather avoid surnames and honorifics as much as possible.”

Akaashi smiles a bit.

“Okay, Kenma. Even though Kuroo-san did call you Kozume.”( _Of course he noticed,_ Kenma thinks. _Of course he noticed._ ) “You can call me Keiji too if you please. I don’t really mind. Even though not many people refer to me like that, and most certainly not people I have just met. But, what was it we needed to discuss? I don’t recall us ever meeting before this moment.”

“We didn’t. It’s just,” he meditates how to start. How much of what Koutarou asked him is he even allowed to reveal? “I’m Koutarou’s flatmate. He wanted me to talk to you. To see if you… If you thought he was loud and annoying. Since he wanted to approach you today, but was insecure about that.”

Keiji tenses up again and blushes a little. Kenma has a feeling that Koutarou’s insecurities actually have nothing to do with reality.

“Well, I don’t. I most definitely don’t,” he answers, but avoids Kenma’s gaze. “In fact, I also wanted to talk to him. That was the main reason for coming tonight.”

“Then, I’m done here, I guess. Do you want to go talk to him?” Kenma asks, but he doesn’t answer and neither of them move. For a few minutes, they just stand there, looking at the rest of the people in the room dancing and drinking and doing whatever people do at college parties, until Keiji finally turns back to look at Kenma.

“I have a feeling that this isn’t exactly your favorite place to be, either,” he finally says. “And to be honest, I need to prepare myself before I talk to Bokuto-san. Preferably not in this packed living room. Would you mind if we go out to the balcony and just stay there for a while?”

And of course, Kenma doesn’t mind, so he follows him up the stairs into some room (Kuroo’s room?) and then out to the promised balcony. It’s nice there; definitely a relief from the agglomeration of people in the inside, and summer will start soon so the air is just the right amount of warm for them to not be cold. _How big is this house? Where does Kuroo even get the money from?_

“Keiji,” Kenma calls after a while, and waits until he looks at him. “Do you like Koutarou?”

Clearly not expecting the sudden question, he visibly freezes.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.”

“No,” he replies, “it’s not that. I expected you to ask at some point. It’s just… I didn’t expect you to be so straightforward. Sorry. I don’t know what to say. I used to? I liked him so much throughout the entirety of high school, but then I had to leave, and we weren’t that close so I was too embarrassed to actually message him frequently or videocall him. We eventually grew apart. Do I like him again now? I don’t know. I really don’t know. I try not to think of him as much as possible, but then I come back and the first thing I do is find an excuse to talk to him. And right now I’m just avoiding it, because I’m terrified it’ll be awful and awkward and we’ll never speak again. I don’t know. I don’t know anything.”

Kenma just stares at him.

“Maybe I do, and maybe I never stopped liking him. But is it the real Bokuto Koutarou that I like, or the Bokuto Koutarou I created in my head the year I was gone? The Bokuto Koutarou I built during my years of high school, made of assumptions about him I never got close enough to confirm? I guess I’ll never know if I don’t talk to him. But,” Keiji finally looks away from the sky to look at Kenma again, “I’m scared. I’m really fucking scared. I’m so scared that I’m even opening up to you who I have just met, which you can imagine is not the usual. Sorry. Though I guess you’re not just a random person, Kenma. There is, in fact, also a question I wanted to ask you. You asked me to drop the formalities just two minutes after you met me, but didn’t tell Kuroo-san to even if you have surely met him earlier; especially since if I’m not wrong he’s Bokuto-san’s best friend and you’re his roommate. I won’t ask you to explain if you don’t want to, but you can’t deny there’s something of the sort going on there as well?”

Now, Kenma isn’t exactly surprised that he would bring that up, since he noticed it earlier and he doesn’t seem to miss a thing, but that’s definitely a dirty trick to change the subject. Though Keiji’s right and did open up to him, so it’s only fair that he answers honestly.

“He’s in the same situation as you,” he manages to get out, firstly answering to Keiji’s rant. “He liked you throughout high school and now misses you, and probably likes you still. So you should talk to him. If it works, then it works, and if it doesn’t, then it doesn’t, and there’s nothing wrong with that. And about Kuroo,” he sighs, and looks down at the floor. “I actually met him tonight. I know he’s Koutarou’s best friend, but I don’t really go out much, and especially not to these parties. I only came here because Koutarou promised to buy me a game if I talked to you. And he’s… Attractive. Just really attractive. So attractive it’s intimidating and I’m too embarrassed to correct him. Plus, I feel like if we get on a first name basis…,” he shakes his head, and pauses for a few seconds before going on. “I don’t know. I’m not used to this. I don’t normally feel a lot of attraction, and I can’t remember the last time I even flirted with anyone. I probably never did. He’s surely the type of guy who flirts with everyone, so I’m just trying not to get too close, I guess.”

Keiji smiles softly.

“I don’t think he is. Just so you know, he was in a pretty stable relationship throughout the entirety of high school. It is only recently that he got completely over it and started believing in finding love with someone else, and either way as far as I know he hasn’t even hooked up with anyone since. Actually,” he starts saying, and then stops to think. Kenma processes the situation. _I really am discussing romantic feelings with a guy I’ve just met. Keiji’s right thinking this is not the usual._ “I don’t know how appropriate it is for me to tell you, but we were actually speaking about you when you approached us. And he seemed so excited about you being here that I just assumed you had met before. If I were you, I wouldn’t be so scared. He’s probably as nervous as you are, but masks it trying to look flirtatious and confident. I doubt he’ll act like that once you’re alone. Anyway, Bokuto-san really promised to buy you a new game if you talked to me? I hope that game is worth the hassle that this conversation has probably been.”

Kenma has only known Keiji for some minutes, but he thinks he now understands what Koutarou means when he speaks about his calming aura. He does give a peaceful impression, one that makes it easy to relax around him. One that makes him feel like a trustworthy person.

“It hasn’t,” Kenma replies, and finds himself knowing it’s the truth. “I liked talking to you.”

“I also did. Let’s exchange numbers and see each other again sometime, Kenma,” Keiji smiles again, a bit bigger, and this time Kenma smiles back.

“Yeah, let’s.”

Finding Koutarou doesn’t take them too long once they go down to the party again, and when they see him he’s excitedly (and loudly) rambling about something to some guy Kenma doesn’t recognize. The moment he sees Keiji, though, he immediately shuts up, making the people around him look at him in surprise, and his whole face turns so red Kenma wants to laugh at him. (But he doesn’t. He can tell he’s already embarrassed enough for him to make it worse.)

“H-hey!,” he finally says, and Kenma also notices how Keiji’s nose reddens a little in response.

“Hello, Bokuto-san. Long time no see.”

“Yeah!! We’ve got a lot to catch up on, don’t we!!”

“We certainly do,” Keiji replies, and Kenma chuckles discreetly. _Yes, they certainly do._ But at the noise, Koutarou finally acknowledges Kenma’s presence, and starts shaking in excitement again.

“Kenma!! Kenma Kenma Kenma Kenma Kenma Kenma!!!! There is something really important I need to tell you!! Right now!! Kenma!!,” he repeats, and grabbing him by the arm, leads him into a corner of the room. _Sorry,_ Kenma tries to send Keiji an apologetic look. _We’ll be right back._

Koutarou opens his mouth to speak, but Kenma interrupts him before he can say anything.

“Yes,” he answers the question before it’s asked, “I talked to him. He wants to talk to you. He doesn’t think you’re loud or annoying. Never did.”

He gets a huge beam in response.

“Yeah!!! Hell yeah!!! Then I’ll talk to him now and I hope he doesn’t start thinking I’m loud and annoying now and we can be close and even kiss and stuff!!! Yeah!!” ( _Can’t believe he just said ‘kiss and stuff’,_ Kenma shakes his head internally.) “But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about, Kenma!! I wanted to talk about Kuroo!!”

Kenma blushes for the countless time today. _Why did everyone notice? Did Kuroo notice?_

“What about Kuroo,” he mutters, and Koutarou beams. Again.

“You know what I’m talking about!! He likes you!! And you think he’s hot!! Why aren’t you guys kissing and stuff!!” He wiggles his eyebrows while saying the last part, and Kenma is just so embarrassed he feels like he might die.

“Koutarou,” he starts, and takes a deep sigh. “It’s not that simple. I don’t know him. He doesn’t know me. We literally met today.” _But Keiji did say he was excited that I was here,_ he remembers. _And Keiji doesn’t seem like a person who would lie about something like that. But it still doesn’t make sense. Did he already know who I was?_ “Wait,” he suddenly replays Koutarou’s answer word for word, and actually notices everything he said. _Did I hear this right?_ “What do you mean he likes me? Do I have to remind you today was the first time that he’s ever seen me?”

“Well…,” Koutarou lowers the tone of his voice, as if he’s about to say something he’s not supposed to. “You know, you’re my roommate. And one of my best friends. I do talk about you quite a lot. And I might… Well, I might have shown some pictures of you I took without you noticing to my friends at some time because you never wanted to come hang out with us and I wanted them to have an accurate mental image of what you looked like, you know? It’s less interesting to talk to them about you if they can’t picture you. And… Kuroo might have said he thought you were really pretty. And that’s not a very usual thing! Like, after Tsukki and him broke up, he barely even looked at anyone, not even when other people tried to flirt with him. So him complimenting you like that was a huge step for him, that’s why I kept talking to him about you! I told him about random things you did, or funny things you said, or whatever, and tried to take as many photos of you as I could to show him whenever he was kinda down. And it did make him feel better! He was so excited for you to come to a party of his, but you always said no, no matter how much I insisted, and I wanted to tell you about him and stuff but I didn’t know how to. It’s not like I could just approach you and say ‘Hey, Kenma, I’ve been talking to my best friend about you for a couple of months now and I think he has a crush on you but you’ve never met so I think you should come hang out with us so you can meet him and hopefully like him back and by the way, I took a pic of you sleeping last week and showed him’, you know! If I had told you, you would’ve murdered me and then avoided him for the rest of your life! I had to get you to come here another way! And then, well, the Akaashi thing happened, so it was the perfect excuse. And you’re here!”

Kenma internally collapses.

“Too much information,” he says, and runs.

Maybe running away from Koutarou and locking himself in probably-Kuroo’s-bedroom’s bathroom isn’t the best idea Kenma’s ever had, but he’s never been very good at reacting to unexpected revelations, and there are enough people downstairs for him to feel like his head is going to explode. Especially every time he remembers they might have heard his and Koutarou’s conversation, and even if they didn’t, they surely saw him run upstairs _,_ because it’s not like he was subtle _._ Thankfully, at least no one has come to try and talk to him. He really, really hopes Kuroo was far away when it happened. Was he even in the living room? Was he with Keiji? Kenma doesn’t remember.

He shrinks even more on the floor, and tries to digest everything Koutarou said. Kuroo likes him. No, Kuroo likes Koutarou’s idea of him, which is probably much better than the actual Kenma. Kuroo’s physically attracted to him, though. Kuroo has seen the awful photos of Kenma during a nap that Koutarou took two weeks ago. Kuroo has seen a lot of embarrassing Kenma photos, and has heard a lot of embarrassing Kenma stories. Koutarou talks to Kuroo about Kenma when he’s sad to try and make him feel better, and it works. Kuroo was excited to meet him. Kuroo probably really, really wants to talk to him.

 _This is so much worse than expected,_ Kenma thinks. _Fuck._ How is he supposed to talk to Kuroo now, now that he knows Kuroo actually has expectations about him? High expectations? _He probably has seen the way I ran away when things got a little bit out of my control and has already given up on me._ _He probably has already noticed I’m not the kind of person anyone would like in a romantic sense. He probably already knows that because Koutarou’s a good person, he always sees the best in everyone, and in reality my bad traits cancel my good ones because of the huge amount of situations I can’t handle. Like this one._

Kenma feels like crying, so he cries. He cries and cries and cries, silently, until there are no tears left and he just stays in the same position, staring into distance and drowning himself in a hole of self pity so enormous he can’t find a way out. And like every time, it feels like it’ll last forever, so he surrenders and lets it take over him.

 _Maybe if I wasn’t the way I am,_ he tells himself. _Maybe if I wasn’t the way I am._

It feels like an eternity has passed when Kenma finally gets up, washes his face and stares at himself in the mirror. He’s feeling better now; but not as much as he’d like to, and he definitely still doesn’t have the energy to go down and explain all of this to Koutarou.

 _Why did I have to pull a stunt like that? Now I’ll never be able to look Koutarou, or Keiji, or anyone downstairs in the eye after they’ve all seen me run away._ He groans to himself. _I really, really don’t want to talk to any of them right now._

He decides he should leave the bathroom, at least; he doesn’t know how many bathrooms Kuroo has, but it’s possible that someone might need it eventually, and if this is actually Kuroo’s bedroom he’ll sure have to enter at some point. However, going back to the party is not an option, so there’s only one place left for him to go: the balcony where Keiji and him were earlier. It’s right in this room, so he doesn’t have to go out to the hall, and since this is a private bedroom chances are there will be no one there. Though Keiji did go with no hesitation, so the possibility of another one of Kuroo’s closest friends being there isn’t totally discarded.

He silently prays that it’ll be empty and steps out; but freezes mid way to the huge windows when he notices there is, in fact, a figure leaning down and looking at the view, and even if he has his back turned, Kenma recognizes him immediately.

_Kuroo._

_Of course it had to be him,_ he thinks. He considers getting into the bathroom again, but that would just delay their unavoidable meeting, so it’s not a wise choice. Maybe he can get out of the room without him noticing if he doesn’t make much noise, but what are the options once he’s outside? Staying in the hall until someone goes upstairs and sees him, or Kuroo decides to go back to the party? He’s just about to go into the bathroom again, since it seems like the best course of action, when suddenly Kuroo turns back, sees him and stares in shock.

 _Fuck,_ Kenma panics. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Did I make any noise? What do I do now?_ He stares back, his brain moving at the speed of light but not reaching any conclusion, and none of them move for what feels like forever.

Finally, Kuroo’s mouth moves, but Kenma realizes he’s too far away for him to hear a single thing; and leaving now would be too awkward, so he does the only thing he can do and enters the balcony. He shivers. _It’s colder now._

“Kozume? What are you doing up here?,” Kuroo asks again.

“You can just,” Kenma answers, collecting every ounce of bravery in his body, “call me Kenma. I kinda feel uncomfortable with people using my last name, so almost nobody does. And I had to go to the bathroom.”

“Then, Kenma,” Kuroo says, and Kenma was definitely right when he thought that him using his given name would literally end him, because the way he pronounces it makes him feel like a galaxy is blooming inside him.“You either walked up to the bathroom really quietly, or you spent a giant amount of time trying to take a shit, because I’ve been here for about forty-five minutes and I didn’t know you were right there. Isn’t Bokuto looking for you downstairs?”

Kenma shrugs.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know how long I was in the bathroom, but I panicked in the middle of a conversation and ran upstairs to hide. I guess he knows he’d better leave me alone. He’s probably busy with Keiji anyways.”

Kuroo raises his brows. “Hope you’re doing okay, then,” he says, and he won’t stop looking directly at Kenma, and it’s definitely making it harder to concentrate on elaborating proper answers to keep a proper conversation. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” Kenma says, and Kuroo continues.

“Okay, then. If it makes you feel a bit better, I’m also kinda overwhelmed by the party and hiding from everyone because I don’t feel like talking to them. And since I’m the one hosting it’s not like I can just leave the house for a while. Though I _am_ leaving the ground floor for a while, but Akaashi’s there, so I trust he’ll stop anyone from I don’t know, breaking anything or something.”

“You can always kick everyone out and end the party,” Kenma points out. Kuroo turns at the city again and smiles.

“Yeah, I guess. But people are actually having fun, and I don’t wanna be the one ruining it, you know? It’s okay, anyways. I’ll probably feel better after a while.”

“Let’s hope so.”

After that, they settle into a comfortable silence while just looking at the view, and Kenma almost feels calm. _Maybe Koutarou’s right,_ he even thinks. _Maybe it’s not that complicated as I make it out to be. Maybe I can learn more about Kuroo, and like-like him, and maybe he can actually like me back. The real me. Maybe we can not go down to the party again and stay here forever._

His thoughts are interrupted by a loud melody coming from his side, and he looks to his side to see Kuroo taking his phone out, also startled.

“Sorry,” he says, and Kenma almost wants to ask him what he’s apologizing for, because it’s not like they were in the middle of a conversation, but he doesn’t. “It’s Akaashi. I should pick up just in case.”

Kenma nods and watches him. From the way he listens and talks to Keiji, it seems like whatever he called for isn’t bad news.

“Yeah, he’s with me,” Kuroo suddenly says, and side-eyes Kenma. _He asked about me._ “Yeah. Yeah, he’s okay. Tell Bo not to worry. I don’t think he’ll go downstairs for a while, though. What? No! Really! Oh my god! No! Okay. Okay, give me a second.”

He puts his phone down and holds it between Kenma and him, putting it on speaker so that Akaashi’s voice fills the air.

 _“Am I on speaker now?”_ he asks. Kenma nods, only to remember a second later he can’t see him.

“You are,” Kuroo replies. “What did you want to say?”

 _“If it works, then it works, and if it doesn’t, then it doesn’t, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s it,”_ Akaashi says, and hangs up.

“What’s that supposed to—Fuck, he really hang up,” Kuroo gives one last look at his phone and tucks it into his back pocket again. “Sorry. I don’t know what he meant by that.”

 _I do,_ Kenma thinks, but doesn’t say anything. _Who knew you’d throw my words back at me this way, Keiji. But it’s not like they’re as fit for this Kuroo thing as they are for your Koutarou thing._

The comfortable silence settles in again, and Kenma thinks about how nervous he was to talk to Kuroo when in reality spending time with him is one of the easiest things he’s ever done. He rests his face in the stone of the balcony, steals as many glances to his left as possible without the one he tries to look at noticing, and feels like if he had to pick a moment to make it last a really long time he’d probably pick this one.

It’s Kenma who breaks the silence this time, because he’s too afraid this moment will end abruptly and he’ll regret not talking to him.

“Why is your house so big?,” he asks. “Don’t mean it like a bad thing, it’s just… It’s surprising. You’re also nineteen, right?”

“I am,” Kuroo answers. “My grandma has a shit ton of money. My parents are kinda homophobic, so I don’t talk to them much, but she’s my favorite person ever and the one who actually took care of me after I came out. She’s been at a nursing home for a while now and probably will be until… You know what. So she told me to keep the house.”

“Oh,” Kenma says, because he doesn’t know what to reply and he didn’t expect that answer. “Hope she’s doing fine then.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kuroo says nonchalantly, but Kenma can see a sad glimpse at his eyes. “She is, and I visit her every weekend, so it’s nice. Though I miss seeing her almost every day. But it’s not something I feel like talking about right now, you know.”

“It’s okay. Sorry for asking,” he nods and Kuroo shakes his head and mutters an _‘S fine_ under his breath. “Also. Kuroo. Is it true Koutarou talked to you about me?” (Kenma curses internally at himself for how blunt he sounds.)

Kuroo tenses up and doesn’t look at him, but answers nonetheless.

“Yeah, he did. How’d you find out? Did someone tell you?”

“He did. He actually… That was why I ran. He said he showed you a lot of pictures of me, and you thought I was pretty, and he talked about me to you a lot, and I just kind of panicked. Sorry. I probably don’t live up to expectations.”

“Don’t be,” he still won’t look at Kenma, and he _really_ wants him to. “And you do. Don’t worry about that. You’re prettier in person.”

Kenma blushes. _Now I don’t want him to look at me._ “I also heard Koutarou talk about you, but I tuned him out and didn’t pay much attention when he talked about his friends. Though if I had known _you_ were this pretty I would’ve listened more carefully,” he mutters, half hoping Kuroo hasn’t heard him, even if he knows he has.

Kuroo smiles and Kenma can’t stop himself from staring and thinking that ‘pretty’ is an understatement. _He’s gorgeous,_ he thinks. _He’s surreally beautiful._

“You know, Kenma,” Kuroo says, “I really hope I’ll see you again sometime. I know this isn’t exactly your environment, so it’s okay if you don’t wanna come to any other party, but I can ask Bo to tell you whenever we hang out to play video games or something? Again, you can say no if you don’t feel like it.”

“That’d be good, yeah,” he answers, and gathering all his courage adds, “But I’d also like us to meet again like this. On our own. In a less stressful setting.”

Kuroo goes silent and Kenma panics again. _Shit. Did I cross a line?_

“I know we technically just met, and it might not work out, but can it be a date?,” he finally replies, and Kenma notices he’s blushing a little.

“Sure. I’d love that.”

The grin Kuroo gives him in response is so bright he allows himself to grin too. Just this once.

 _It’s worth trying,_ Kenma thinks. _Even if it doesn’t work out, it’s really worth trying._

**Author's Note:**

> first time posting I Am Very Nervous. i kinda hate this and like it at the same time idk how to feel  
> english isn't my first language so feel free to call me out on any grammar mistakes!!  
> also i feel like bokuto's dialogues are probably too long,,, anyway kinda inspired by conan gray's overdrive i listened to it on repeat while writing  
> hope you liked it have an amazing day kenma loves u :)


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